Luckily, yo quiero my Taco Belle

By John Christian Hopkins
Have you ever noticed that when you can’t eat, the world wants to bombard you with thoughts of food.
Having a medical test done, I recently had to fast for a period of time. It came out to be about 36 hours of no solid food.
By the way, you may be surprised at how good sugar-free Jell-O tastes when you’ve gone 12 hours without food. Beef broth is pretty tasty, too.
I didn’t think it would be that difficult to skip a meal or two. Or six. After all, I had plenty of delicious, chalky liquid medicines to ingest to hold me over.
Nothing like three bottles of Tagisol to quench your thirst!
I awoke Tuesday morning knowing that I would have a long day sans Twinkies, Diet Coke and any of my usual comfort foods. Still, I was confident that I could do it.
I figured if people in the old days could survive before food was invented, so could I. After all, according to The Book of Genesis, it wasn’t until the eighth day that God said, “Let there be McDonald’s.” And He saw that it was good.
To keep my mind off of food I decided to run some errands for Sara. First stop was the Post Office.
Unless you wanted to stuff envelopes in your mouth, there was nothing to eat there, I thought. I step up to the counter

Clerk 1: I’m getting hungry.

Clerk 2: It’s almost lunch time.

Clerk 1: I want a sandwich.

Me: Does licking stamps count as eating?

When I got home I could smell the bacon frying as I opened the door. Oh, I love the way Sara makes my BLT’s; crisp bacon on wheat toast … Plop.

I opened my eyes and looked at the cup of Jell-O Sara had set before me. It was green and the way it jiggled I thought I was watching Gumby breakdance.
Next time I have a BLT, I told myself, I’d enjoy it twice as much as usual just to make up for this.
My brother likes to send cryptic text messages. Tuesday night, after I had gone about 20 hours with-out solid food, he texts me, “I’m hungry. Lucky texting is a piece of cake!”
Cake. Sigh. Would I ever taste my beloved yellow cake with chocolate frosting again?
Wednesday morning I report to the hospital. I’m starving! After I check in, I go to radiology to wait until my name is called. On the TV is a scene from “My Big Fat Greek Wedding,” where the mother is peeling more potatoes as she talks about the big family dinner …
The world is against me. When I can’t eat, I’m surrounded by things that remind me of food.
By the end of my ordeal even Sara was looking like a crunchy taco.
Luckily, yo quiero my Taco Belle.
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